Reassembled Uniquely…

Teresa Beth Garner
May 23
5 min read

(At a recent family wedding...)

Dear Ones –

Here I sit on my last day of work as a Chaplain Resident here in Columbus, OH! Did you catch that?!?! THIS IS MY LAST DAY (here at least, haha)!!!

If you would have told me ten years ago that I would EVER be a chaplain for babies, children, adolescents, and adults and their families in ANY hospital setting WHILE taking classes, writing more papers, and graduating with four units of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) AFTER finishing my doctorate, no less, I would have responded with complete disbelief! But here we are!

I wanted to share with you where I started and where I am ending. This excerpt is from the conclusion of my last paper for CPE. This has been a long journey, and so many of you have been a part of this for years. Here it is:

"How can I describe my own transformation?

How can I reflect on this experience with any sense of clarity and order?

I began Clinical Pastoral Education as a shattered, confused, panicked and overwhelmed 61- year- old who had lost almost everything. Yet I found myself yearning for this experience.

At the middle of the first unit of CPE, we were asked to reflect on what we were experiencing. So, I wrote an illustrated booklet, and the last page contained question marks as to where I was going and what I would be doing. It was entitled “Into the Unknown.” And the excerpt quoted came from a Center for Action and Contemplation YouTube Video titled “Letting Heartbreak Be Your Guide” published in September of 2024. And I quote:

“…Contemplation is about receptivity, about deep listening, about wrestling with questions like ‘what breaks your heart’, ‘what makes you truly alive’, and allowing those questions, as well as the pain of the world, to shatter us. When we do that, in the midst of all of that, we discover that there’s something arising deep within. For me, that’s the Holy Spirit looking to essentially flow into our lives, take whatever is left of us, and reassemble it into something that can become our unique gift to the world…” The last phrase I wrote on the last page of my mid-unit booklet said this, “Truly Broken & Truly Alive.”

Last night I found my journal entry from the beginning of my residency. These words help explain what I was experiencing as brokenness, heartbreak and the pain of the world.

“Today was a bit startling and lovely all at the same time. I was shadowing my mentor. To watch

her talk with these families was a gift. But I was startled as I recognized my past self in her present self. I saw my pastor’s heart and spirit in her chaplain approach. When we got in the stairwell, through my tears I said, “I saw the confident “ME” in your presentation and spirit. I have worked so hard to re-vamp and deconstruct/reconstruct, and I have seen faith in God totally change, and I believe I am closer to how God would want me to think and believe, actually. However, the “pastor” in me needs to find my confidence again. I don’t want my panic to take over. I want to “feel” my way through some of these visits – with tenderness, compassion and discernment.”

Well, here I am almost 2 years later, and I can say transformation is still happening in my life. Yes, I believe I understand more about what breaks my heart and yes, at the same time I feel truly alive. I have found my voice.

And I have the scars to prove that shattered people can be reassembled into a unique gift to the world, to God, to those I love, and to myself. And yes, I can honestly say that Clinical Pastoral Education, this residency, you people, my husband, my family, and a whole crew of committed, deep-soul friends have been a part of and witnessed this transformation.

I am grateful beyond words."

(Last unit of CPE was with this group of amazing individuals. Dream Team!)

(Two of us have been together for all four units, all three are now done with residency.

My life would not be the same without these two! So grateful!!!)

So that is my message to you sweet friends – these are actually a LOT of words to say, “I am grateful beyond words.”

What’s next?!?!

I begin my full-time chaplaincy job at another hospital in Columbus on Monday, June 1^st! For the first time in 13 years, Ken and I will have consistent time off together, and we could not be more excited! (I asked Ken, “Will you get tired of me?” His response was perfect! “Nope!”)

(There is more laughter these days. Oh how I love him!)

We will have the ability to see our kids and grands more often – as – of course, none of us live in the same place. AND my goal is to spend more time writing and podcasting for Love More Less Fear, as well as doing more art and more music. The ultimate goal is to write a memoir of sorts. Cheer me on!

Ken is still studying for his second Master’s degree, so that we can both begin applying/writing for our board certification as chaplains. That part of the journey continues. But I have so enjoyed seeing him thrive as a chaplain and as a student again. His writing has been a joy for me to read and experience.

Finally – but very importantly, I want to tell you why I believe Love More Less Fear continues to exist. Although it is not generating money, and it is costly to maintain, I feel more now than ever it is time for us to walk through the struggles together. The constant strain, pressure, and attacks on our trans children, teens, adults and families, the LGBTQ+ queer community and the civil and human rights of those who see life differently grieve us deeply. The shattering of family ties, the rising depression, and the number of deaths by suicide are too much to bear.

Please hear me, as I am trying to write compassionately and kindly. I long to build bridges instead of walls. At the same time, we are aware of the vast need for companionship, conversations, compassion, and advocacy on the parts of individuals and families who have grown up understanding little concerning the queer community and the relationship to God, Scripture, the church, and themselves. So many have settled into what they have known, been taught and told without any type of questioning or research. And as life changes and we grow into new understanding there seems to be little grace for who we are, who we were, and who we wish to be. There is little kindness and less fellowship toward those who see things differently, while the rights of humanity are being stripped away, causing depression, panic, and suicidal ideation.

It is time to get to work mending hearts, bringing hope, and restoring broken relationships.

It is our goal to set up retreats for families who want to work on this together. We believe the love of God compels us. And we desire to be conduits of grace, love and wisdom that so many have bestowed on us throughout this journey.

Hugs to you all!

And may the shattered pieces be reassembled into … UNIQUE GIFTS TO THE WORLD, TO GOD, TO OURSELVES!!!

LET’S GO!!!