Oct 215 min read

Truly Broken...Truly Alive

Hello Friends!

(from a recent trip to Lake Michigan - just the two of us - much needed

It has been a long while since we have reached out. But so much has been ruminating in my heart, and I felt compelled to send you a note…o.k. well, maybe it is a letter…or a BOOK?!?! Haha! I will try to keep it digestible for one sitting.

First – an update. Ken has a full-time job as a chaplain!!! (Yay!!! Confetti is falling, cymbals are crashing, and it’s time to party!!!) He is now awaiting the beginning of his 27 hours of education that will allow him eligibility for board certification as a chaplain. This is costly (in more ways than one, right?) but he is really wanting to study with Dr. Thomas J. Oord in the field of Open and Relational Theology. So, we are trying to figure this out.

Next - me. I have been working a few different jobs. The latest has been a front desk manager’s position at a Stretch Zone here in Columbus.

(Not the most flattering pic. But, it captures part of the Stretch Zone logo.)

A friend hired me, as I needed a job. About three months in, I received a call asking if I was interested in starting Clinical Pastoral Education at the same hospital that Ken finished units 2-4 this last June in his residency program. (I had already applied, but I thought I was going to begin in January of 2025.) My bosses graciously have allowed me to do both! Wowsers! This program is no joke! Watching Ken navigate this process was a challenge for me, and in some cases prohibitive in my mind. I did not feel that I was ready to deal with the internal upheaval from facing my own fragility and destabilizing events of the last 4 years. But, NOW is the time! I am diving in! Silly me!!! Already I can say – WORTH IT!!!

Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. We are both learning so much. We are trying to figure out schedules, but I am already halfway through this first unit, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. (And I don’t think it is a train! That’s super cool!)

I want to share with you something that really struck a chord with us both this week. Read this next section carefully.

“Faith isn’t supposed to be a top-down affair, but an organic meeting between an Inner Knower (the Indwelling Holy Spirit) accessed by prayer and experience, and the Outer Knower, which we would call Scripture (holy writings) and Tradition (all the ancestors). This is a calm and wonderfully healing way to know full Reality.[1]

“Contemplation is about receptivity, about deep listening, about wrestling with questions like what breaks your heart, what makes you truly alive, and allowing those questions, as well as the pain of the world, to shatter us. When we do that, in the midst of all of that we discover that there’s something arising deep within. For me, that’s the Holy Spirit looking to essentially flow into our lives, take whatever is left of us, and reassemble it into something that can become our unique gift to the world. The contemplation part is the receptivity and consent, and the action part is simply letting God live through us as much as possible, letting Christ live and love and protest through us.” [2]

DEAREST OF FRIENDS, COLLEAGUES AND INNOCENT BYSTANDERS!!! Do you hear this? This was such good news to me! We have been shattered, our hearts broken and yet we are consenting to the action of God in the deep listening, the wrestling with questions, reassembly, and the mosaic that our lives are becoming. We are understanding more and more what it means to be a unique gift to the world even as we are still finding our footing. Thanks be to God! And thanks be to SO MANY OF YOU who have walked with us so tangibly that we think of you as family. WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT YOU?!?! You have warmed our hearts and souls.

As you have walked with us, I want to also walk with our friends who have found themselves on the outskirts of their churches, faith, families, social circles and/or other areas of engagement as of late because of who they are. Just today a friend shared that it was Intersex Awareness Week, asking us to read about it and understand what has been a reality in the lives of people who may never talk about it. They asked us to do our homework, so that when we do talk about it, we are somewhat educated on what this term means and how it has affected many lives – especially now in this political climate of our country.

I am begging you to do some deep listening. Hear the stories of dear ones who have been excluded and marginalized. And remind each and every one that they are “unique gifts” to the world!!! It is time to LOVE! It is time to LEARN! It is time to push fear out of the arena and allow the love of God to so permeate our hearts and lives that we become the actual message: LOVE MORE LESS FEAR!!!

So many of you have dared to love us deeply and wholly! You have walked with us in our turmoil! You have encouraged us in our questions. And you have rejoiced with us in our victories. We have worked together to build on what unites us, extinguish hate and fear and believe that there is enough love for every one of us!

I pray you know our love for you.

And, I hope you are endeavoring to LOVE no matter the cost.

Please let us hear from you! We would love to reconnect.

And, yes, I will try to write more often now that I have broken through the “silence.”

And while we do this maybe we need to really take note of “what breaks our hearts” as well as what makes us “truly alive!” Let’s do this!!!

References: 

[1] Adapted from Richard Rohr, Things Hidden: Scripture as Spirituality, rev. ed.  (Cincinnati, OH: Franciscan Media, 2008, 2022), 128–130. 

[2] Adapted from Adam Bucko with Mark Longhurst, Letting Heartbreak Be Your Guide, September 12, 2024, Center for Action and Contemplation, YouTube video, 28:11.